Very often, after years of illness I've become used to enjoy my own company. It's not that I don't like a more crowded atmosphere :) But I don't see the point in being scared of alone time. I think it is important to figure out what you want to do, dream of and take time to reflect through being alone for a while. A moment or two. Today I read a really good blog post about authority commands that can be a pressure in a platform where people are being shaped, shape each other and make their opinions heard. The blog world :) To me it is essential that I like what I'm doing, then others might enjoy it to. Blogs are for entertainment, reflections, enjoying a network where people have the same interest as yourself. Many times I've been told that growth only comes through a certain way. And that certain way is the only way. I think anger fuels ambition, I think inspiration fuels ambition, but I don't think pressure is necessary a good way to fuel someones ambition.
I've heard that alone time can be good for increasing ones wisdom :) But I usually hear that from the other side of the world. Where I've grown up alone time means your a little weird and afraid of being social. It also means that you need longer time to become an adult. From an early age I was lucky to have good friends, gradually some bad came along. With cunning ways they would strip a lot of the here and now, which meant that I unwillingly and because of other painful experiences too had no choose whether to be social or not. I was weighed down by illness. When I say painful experiences I wan't to highlight one bizarre one, that continued forever. As much as I've had nice, friendly people around me, some have been very hostile to inspiration. I ended up in a ballon and became as one of my friends wanted be to be. A ghost. Just alone in my illness and lying in bed all day. I'm not going to talk to much about illness since it's to painful and a little drastic in this blog post where I mainly want to bring a good atmosphere and some reflection :) But as painful as my ten year of illness have been I feel I've grown stronger. I've become more determined then ever with hopefully just as much wisdom with determination ! I've stopped stressing about the here and now. About finding and reaching a particular goal in a certain age or a certain way. This can be stressful in it self. And I've seen others panicking about stuff like this in my age :) It is sad. There are for many of us, endless opportunities served in beautiful magazines, advertisements. People go around in circles over painful emotions and stress and it take so much of their time. When I was a young teenager I did not notice that some of my friends had a secret pleasure in my lack of understanding what fashion could bring in someones life. I hated when people was running around asking if something was fashionable enough. Sometimes I still do.
This last year I've been enjoying blogging so much. I might not be so social in it or give the deepest reflections on different topics, but I've found a hobby where I find growth and a sense of belonging.
I write about things that interest me. Often cosmetics. Other times walks and the photos I've taken during that time. I think growth comes more natural when you take interest in your own talents and how to use them. It can't be pushed forward by others harsh opinions or selfish interests. It has to come natural. :) From yourself. Inspiration I think is one of the most powerful and important things.